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The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie | 2008 | G | - 0.3.1

Animated feature about several would be actors in a pirate themed dinner theater being recruited by a young woman who travels in time trying to find heroes who will help rescue her brother from her evil uncle. With the voices of Phil Vischer, Laura Gerow, Mike Nawrocki, Cam Clarke, Yuri Lowenthal, Alan Lee, Cydney Trent, Megan Murphy, Jim Poole, Tim Hodge and Ally Nawrocki. Directed by Mike Nawrocki. [1:25]

SEX/NUDITY 0 - None.


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VIOLENCE/GORE 3 - A pirate holds a sword to the throat of a young woman, and another character throws a sword that slices the rope holding a candelabra, which then falls onto the pirate and we see him without his head, lying on the floor (he's apparently mechanical and is reassembled).
 A sailor jumps into a large pile of what looks like cheese curls, they begin to wriggle and then we see that they have teeth and they move toward the sailor aggressively and chase him when he runs away; he then falls into a hole and the cheese curls skitter down after him.
 Pirates with swords fight on a ship, one is knocked overboard, and another is knocked to the deck by a rolling barrel and held at sword point.
 A dark whirlpool swirls in the sea in front of a ship, the ship moves toward it, the sailors are frightened and the whirlpool disappears.
 A large metal dragon rises out of the water near a ship, the sailors are frightened, the dragon grabs one of the sailors in its mouth, and then the dragon falls limp and the sailor who was swallowed cuts his way out through a hole in the dragon's abdomen.
 A rock monster begins to move on a beach, stands up and chases a sailor, he runs, and another rock monster moves and then two more.
 In a pub scene, a pirate is nearly struck by darts and a knife that are thrown at a dartboard; one pirate is struck in the head by the handle of a sword, and another has his foot slammed by a barrel of ginger ale.
 A pirate on a ship threatens to sink another ship, which inadvertently fires a cannon at the pirate ship striking its mast and causing it to crash into a large rock formation.
 Several sailors are locked in a cage and lifted into the air in a dungeon.
 A ship is trapped in a swirling drain and is pushed out through a hole, it speeds toward a rock wall, and another ship chases and fires cannons at it; yet another ship fires cannons into the rock wall, breaking it open. A large rock monster pushes a ship toward a rock formation, and then does a cannonball into the water to push it the rest of the way.
 A character jumps from an opening in a sheer rock wall into the sea below (he is unharmed).
 A pirate searches a room for a young woman and holds a sword as he pulls back a curtain, thinking that she's hiding behind it (she's not there).
 A pirate walks onto a stage and a ship that is part of the scenery, while thinking that it is real; he holds a sword over an actor and raises it over his head, a mechanical dragon rises up, the pirate strikes the dragon, a boat falls on top of the pirate and then the boat and the pirate are whisked away.
 Pirates are frightened and run away when a character pulls out a cutlass that belongs to "Robert the Terrible."
 A ship fires its cannons at another ship, those onboard jump off, and the ship's mast is struck and we see the ship sink. A ship with an effigy of a king sails into a bomb and explodes (the ship blows up into splinters). A cannon is fired and the ball whizzes across the bough of a ship.
 A young man stumbles and falls onto the ground. When two characters find a round metal ball that blinks, they are afraid that it is a bomb and run away.
 Pirates talk about "taking a ship" and make fun of its captain as being incompetent. A sailor talks about being eaten by his favorite snack food. A sailor confesses that he is afraid of snakes and spiders. A sailor talks about "crazy, killer cheese curls." Three characters argue over one of them wanting to stay behind and not continue their adventure for fear of dying. A sailor talks about being afraid of being sliced and diced by Edward Scissorhands. A sailor talks about not wanting to die in horrible ways. A character talks about having to go to the bathroom, then after accidentally firing a cannon says, "I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore." A character says he's going to "wet" himself from fear. A character talks about "taking the throne by force." A character's name is "Robert the Terrible," he has a peg leg and we hear he was banished from a kingdom. A song includes a line about "swabbing the poop deck."
 A young woman grabs a sword and threatens to go fight pirates to free her brother. A young woman fears for her brother's safety in several scenes.
 In a theater, several sandbags are accidentally dropped and break scenery. A boat crashes down onto the road in a town and three passengers get out.


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LANGUAGE 1 - Exclamations (for heaven's sake, holy mackerel), name-calling (coward, rogues, "One-Eyed Louie," spineless, sick, demented, roaches, peasants, loser, scurvy dogs, bilge rat, cabin boy, loser, buffoons).


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SUBSTANCE USE - Pirates are shown in a pub drinking root beer and ginger ale and singing. A few sailors are shown drinking a beverage from coconut shells (it is not clear what they are drinking).


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DISCUSSION TOPICS - Freedom, heroism, tenacity, cunning, following clues, peril, being tested, miracles, merciless, helping the needy, greed, bravery, cruelty, ambition, guilt, giving up.

MESSAGE - Life is an adventure.

CAVEATS

Be aware that while we do our best to avoid spoilers it is impossible to disguise all details and some may reveal crucial plot elements.

We've gone through several editorial changes since we started covering films in 1992 and older reviews are not as complete & accurate as recent ones; we plan to revisit and correct older reviews as resources and time permits.

Our ratings and reviews are based on the theatrically-released versions of films; on video there are often Unrated, Special, Director's Cut or Extended versions, (usually accurately labelled but sometimes mislabeled) released that contain additional content, which we did not review.


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