That's My Boy | 2012 | R | - 9.5.10
At age 14 a boy (Adam Sandler) fathered a son (Andy Samberg) and raised him haphazardly as a single parent until the boy left home on his 18th birthday. Mom, the boy's schoolteacher, went to prison. Now, after an estrangement of years, the father shows up at his son's wedding in search of a loan, but finds a nest of secrets. Also with Leighton Meester, Susan Sarandon, James Caan, Will Forte, Milo Ventimiglia, Rex Ryan and Vanilla Ice. Directed by Sean Anders. [1:54]
- During a graduation ceremony, sexual moans emanate from behind a stage curtain, the curtain opens to show a teacher sitting on a piano keyboard (her bare back is seen) and the bare chest and shoulders of a boy that is thrusting towards her as he pounds the keys with his fingers; the ceremony stops and all the youth and male teachers stand up and cheer the boy for having sex with a teacher. A teacher gives a 14-year-old boy detention and says she is not his girlfriend when he asks her for a date, in the detention room we see the teacher swing her hair, open her sweater to show a white bra and significant cleavage, she leans over the boy's face, says, "You don't want me?" and he says, "No, yes, I don't know. I've had sex lots of times"; the teacher invites the boy into her office for sex and he asks, "What shall we do..." while listing several options as they enter the office and the door closes (we hear the boy shout "Oh my God" several times and another boy that witnessed the whole scene looks puzzled).
► Sexual moans come from behind a hotel room door, we see the bare back and buttocks of a woman bouncing up and down in a bed, she turns her head and screams and we see her brother under her (his chest and shoulders are bare); he gets out of bed and we see his full nude body front and back except for genitals (he turns away from the camera) as he and another man argue about incest, which he calls "secret tickle time" and the other man gags.
► A strip club called Bacon and Leggs features female dancers that are completely nude except for G-strings and we see them dancing and shaking their bare breasts over the heads of male customers; one dancer is obese and wears pasties and panties, she hangs upside down from a pole to eat breakfast and spills her food and orange juice all over the bar, and another dancer wears pasties and panties along with a large neck brace. A flashing neon strip club sign features the outline of a woman with a plate of two sunny-side up eggs as breasts.
► Several men steal beer from a convenience store, are thrown out of an ice rink, are chased by a man with a rifle and go to a strip club, a man there explains that the dancers have "hard [anatomical term deleted]," and a pole dancer with a medical collar around her neck performs oral sex on one of the men outside beside a tree (we see her in her underwear, thrusting her head behind a nude man who has his bare back and buttocks toward us); inside the club, an obese pole dancer sits on the bar top while a man moves one of her legs up and down at the hip to shoot a tennis ball out of her vagina (we see it hit the floor), a man leaves the washroom, picks up the ball, smells it, sticks his hand into his jogging pants and masturbates as he walks back into the washroom.
► A drunken man has sex with an expensive wedding dress on a dress form, thinking it is his fiancée; the bride screams about it the next morning when she finds stains on the dress, tastes the veil and says, "It's vomit and [sexual reference deleted]. Take it to the dry cleaner!" A man masturbates under a heavy quilt (we see movement) while looking at a frame containing pictures of a grandmother and her younger self while wearing a bathing suit; a bottle of Vaseline lotion lies on his pillow alongside a box of tissues.
► In a hot tub scene, several women wear bikinis that reveal cleavage, bare abdomens, shoulders, and arms; a bare-chested man with them stands up and we see a large erection inside his underwear (the women oooh and aaaah when they see it), he goes inside the house, tickles his adult son, knocks him down and sticks his underwear-covered erection into his son's face; a third man who is bare-chested, enters the room, calls the other two "homos," takes off his shorts, opens his underwear, and talks to his penis: "Do you like them? Noooo;" all three men have a wrestling match as the scene ends. In a prison scene a man visits his schoolteacher who is the mother of his adult son; on opposite sides of a glass partition, they place their fingers together and make signals that look like a penis and vagina having sex.
► A man enters another man's room and tries to help an older woman clean up where a sleeping man has been masturbating, the woman says that the man should not masturbate so much and the next night the woman enters the bedroom while wearing a vintage swimsuit and says, "I'm going to ride you like a Model T" (the scene ends and sex is implied). A teacher writes on a boy's test paper, "A+++ I'm going to sit on your face tonight!" and the boy and male classmates read it and look stunned; the scene cuts to a courtroom where the teacher is in a prison jumpsuit with a swollen belly indicating pregnancy.
► A grandmother enters the room of a sleeping man who had been masturbating and finds dozens of sticky tissues all over the bed, one stuck to the overhead light and one stuck to a picture of her. Overhearing an argument, a man runs into a room carrying a silver gun; his body is covered with tattoos and he is wearing only a grandmother's bathing suit bottom and he says that he will go finish with Grandma now (sex is implied).
► At a bachelor party in a men's spa, a man offers a woman $5 for masturbation and she refuses. A man says that he could get six women to kiss each other and give lap dances.
► Three 14-year-old boys stand in a school hallway and talk about sex, mentioning testicles (using crude terms), girls with big nipples, and various sex acts; one boy says, "I'm not into girls anymore," another replies, "Dude, I'm into guys, too" and the first says, "No, I'm into women"; an attractive female teacher walks toward them and one boy covers his groin with his lunchbox (implied erection). A woman receives a book called "How To Screw In the Dark"; she opens it and it contains a flashlight and screwdriver as a joke. A woman has a book called "Head In the Class" and she tells a man that it should read "Head of the Class, With Blowjobs." A judge reads a statement from a teacher in court: "He makes me feel like a rainbow is coming out of my [anatomical term deleted]." Several younger men tell an old woman that she is sexually attractive and we later hear that she had sex with at least two of the men during a wedding reception. A man says that having sex with a teacher does not hurt the boy. A man at a party at his boss's house says, "I would ride my boss all day like a roller coaster" and embarrasses himself because he meant nothing sexual, only excitement in the job and people laugh. A man becomes angry when he learns that one of his friends had sex with his mother years ago, the friend changes his story and says the woman "only whacked him off." A man at a wedding party tells guests that he signs autographs on [anatomical term deleted] and tells the bride that she can be his "breast friend"; he tells the groom that the bride should dye her brown pubic hair blonde using a sexual reference. A man tells a groom twice that he should provide oral sex (using crude terms) on his fiancée to make her less angry all the time. A TV producer talks about a Bobbitt Penis Show and a Walking Dong Show as jokes. A priest at a wedding rehearsal says that today "Everyone is having sex and drinking lattes," while he cautions people to behave better in church. Men at a party discuss teen fantasies; one says he dreamed of dissecting a female biology teacher with his penis, another says he stole a librarian's glasses to wear while he masturbated and a grandmother pipes up with, "Our teacher used to smack our hands with his dick." We hear that a man's fiancée is having a sexual affair with his boss.
► A boy becomes famous in newspapers and TV reports and a movie is made about him having sex with his teacher. A teacher receives 25 years in prison for having sex with a 14-year-old boy and her baby goes to the teen father and his dad. A woman enters a spa, calls several men names and says that she wants to have sex with them all (using a crude sexual term).
► In a men's spa a man stands up, loses his towel and we see him completely nude except for a long sock on his penis. A woman catches a baseball between her clothed breasts during a family reunion game. We see the bare backs and chests of three men and on their backs are tattoos of boy bands that have stretched. Bridesmaids and other women at a wedding wear low-cut dresses that reveal cleavage.
► A US Marine turns out to be a male dancer that buys uniforms so people will not think he is gay for dancing.
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- A bride grabs a large knife at her wedding, screams and charges a man with it and her fiancé strikes her with a beer bottle to stop her (she falls unconscious); a man becomes angry and another man knocks him out with a beer bottle (we see no damage or blood on either person).
► A father punches his son in the nose for impregnating a teacher and the boy falls off his chair, but is unharmed. A man wearing only underwear pounds on his groin, says it's strong and wrestles with two other men; one of the others knocks him unconscious with a beer bottle. A priest and a bridegroom have a fight after the priest says that no one's father was as bad as his own, hitting him regularly with a rake and no one will insult fathers in the church; the priest punches the groom in the nose, they go outside where the priest hits the man several times (we see no blood), and another man knocks the priest unconscious using a beer bottle (we hear that the priest is unharmed). A man pierces another man's ear; the second man screams and we see blood on his cheek. A man spits his beverage on the chest and lap of a woman sitting next to him.
► A man throws a chair across a tax office when he finds out he owes the IRS a large sum of money. A man drives a car over the speed limit and misses crashing into a gasoline tanker truck by driving under it; he drives off the road to avoid oncoming traffic and falls off a high wall into some grass and limps a bit, but recovers quickly.
► A man argues with several friends as he tries to get a loan from them; he argues with one friend about having sex with the friend's mother (please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details) and they break a glass coffee table, although no one is injured. A father and his son have several arguments about the son's childhood; the son complains that he was forced to get a full back tattoo at the age of 7 and was forced to drive his drunken father home at the age of 8. People in a wedding party argue and a soldier barks loudly like a dog at the bridegroom. A bridegroom learns that his fiancée is having sex regularly with her brother and he begins shouting. A Marine says to a man, "You hurt my sister and I'll take my government-issue revolver and stick it up your pooper-chute and fire." A man tells fictional stories about saving the life of his estranged son in a subway incident where he supposedly jumped onto the track to retrieve a burrito and almost died under a subway train. We hear that a priest once killed a man in the boxing ring. A man says that another man's father died in an explosion that left only a part of one testicle and that a squirrel stole that. A man admits that he is in a rage-a-holic support group. A man complains that he pooped in his pants as a child and had to walk home that way.
► A man gags and vomits into an ice bucket after discovering incest between a brother and sister (please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details) in a hotel room. Several men from a bachelor party get drunk and urinate on the side of a restaurant as people look down at them from windows; they level streams of urine at the windows, one of the men has a rifle and shoots out a window (no one is harmed), another man falls backward into a hedge of flowers and we see a stream of urine shoot into the air as he laughs. A man becomes enraged, storming out of the prison after being tasered, falling and defecating in his pants (we hear the noise) during a prison visit to his mother, who's serving time for having sex with his dad when his dad was 14 and she was his teacher. At a party, a man exaggerates movements of adjusting his underwear with his hand and party guests make faces at him. A two-year-old in a baseball game picks his nose and grabs his groin while catching a ball. A Chinese butler at a dinner hears a slur against the Chinese and licks a plate to be used for dinner as revenge.
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- About 128 F-words, 4 obscene hand gestures, 4 sexual hand gestures, 15 sexual references, 53 scatological terms, 48 anatomical terms, 8 mild obscenities, name-calling (ignorant, snake, sickies, whores, skank, gross, faggot, homos, psycho, mental, stupid, fat, idiot, gold-digger, satanic, chump, airy ignoramus, McNutty, chubby, bum, girly, burrito-bandito, leprechaun, trailer-parky, old), stereotypical references to men, women, teen boys, unwed fathers, grandmothers, parents, gays, Christians, Catholic priests, TV stars, rappers, reality shows, women's prisons, dancers, the obese, the Chinese, Asian Indians, African-Americans, Africans, white people, business people, the rich, 2 religious profanities, 18 religious exclamations.
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- A man snorts cocaine and slurs his words as we see white powder on his nose and upper lip in a crowded strip club, a grandmother at a party says that perhaps a man is acting strangely because he is doing hashish (he is not), a man keeps a bong under the counter where he works at a movie concession stand, a man lights and smokes a bong at work and takes it to an ice rink to smoke and skate, a man complains that his father gave his (first man's) cobra Quaaludes that made it sing when he (the son) was a child, and a man asks another man if he is back on drugs and the man responds yes and then no. A man keeps six prescription bottles lined up on a table at home, we hear that a man needs large doses of Xanax (we never see him take any medications), we see a plastic case containing two syringes that he tells his father are insulin, and a man blames his dad for his diabetes because dad fed him candy at all meals when he was a child. A man carries a fresh can or a bottle of beer with him at all times and we see him drinking in public and private all hours of the day and night (he never appears drunk), a man drinks several 40-ounce bottles of beer with a friend in an alley where they pile up several empty bottles, we hear that a man lost a fortune buying drinks for people when he was younger, several restaurant and home dinner scenes feature men and women drinking wine from glasses and beer from cans or bottles, several party scenes feature men and women drinking champagne and glasses of beer or whisky, a man at a party turns down a second beer and jokingly says that 20 is his limit, several bar scenes feature men and women drinking from beer bottles and we see bottles of wine and liquor on the back bar area, several men and women drink beer in a strip club.
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- Incest, teacher-student sex, love, marriage, infidelity, family, secrets, making amends.
- Being a father takes effort; being a father at the age of 14 is impossible.
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