Movie Ratings That Actually Work    Become a Member

"One of the 50 Coolest Websites...they simply tell it like it is" - TIME

Masterminds | 2016 | PG-13 | - 3.4.5

Based on actual events: In 1997 a bored armored car driver (Zach Galifianakis) lets a crush on a colleague (Kristen Wiig) lure him into the North Carolina "Hillbilly Heist" along with a group of dimwits under the leadership of a trailer park playboy (Owen Wilson). The police, as well as a hit man (Jason Sudeikis), go after them. Also with Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones and Jon Daly. Directed by Jared Hess. [1:30]

SEX/NUDITY 3 - A man kisses a woman on the shoulder and a rose she holds pricks her under the collarbone; the man asks why blood shows instead of milk and she explains that childbirth would be needed for that. A man and a woman kiss goodbye briefly. A man and a woman kiss goodbye. A husband kisses his wife briefly and later they hug and laugh.
 A man stands facing away from the camera in a robe ending at the lower shins; seen from the knees down, the man slaps a lot of baby powder under the robe, presumably on his groin. A few scenes show a woman wearing low-cut blouses and short dresses or short shorts that reveal cleavage and bare legs to the upper thighs. A man wears mid-thigh shorts in a tanning bed and we see his bare chest and abdomen. Four men wear sleeveless shirts. Two women on a beach wearing bikinis run past quickly in the background and we can see their breasts bouncing. A street market features a display of very large women's panties. A pile of mannequin parts includes one piece that has breasts, but no nipples. A man and a woman at a party wear long mermaid tales; he is shirtless, with long hair and she wears a seashell bra that shows no cleavage.
 A woman dares her boss to fire her and she claims sexual harassment, wriggling, rubbing her breasts, rubbing her behind on the lap of a coworker and giggling; she pulls off her blouse and throws it on the floor and she walks out (a little cleavage is revealed) as a man tells her that her bra and "What it encases" look nice. A woman thumbs a ride and three vehicles screech to a stop. A man looks up and down along a woman's body and she smiles. A woman acts seductively toward a naïve man to get him to steal money from a bank; she flutters her eyes, rubs his hand, and says they will be lovers on the lam, like Bonnie and Clyde. In engagement photos of a man and a woman wearing jeans, the man stands between the woman's legs as she sits on a tree stump, as if she is a wheelbarrow. A woman straddles a man in a seated position on a straight back chair. A woman sucks a lollipop suggestively in close-up and we see spittle.
 A man is engaged to a woman he dislikes and has a crush on a female coworker, and when the woman is asked why she is marrying the man, she says she met him at her boyfriend's funeral (he was a pallbearer); she says, "That one's dead. This one's alive. I'll take the live one." A man says to a woman, "You flirt with every pair of pants within five yards." A woman complains about being mistaken for a man. A woman says thong bikini bottoms cause bacteria spread and yeast infections. A woman squeezes a big tube of Vagaway anti-yeast cream into another woman's mouth during an argument.

VIOLENCE/GORE 4 - A man being chased by an assassin is on roller blades and hangs onto a truck, slamming into street market displays, a car door, and a wall, but he is OK; the assassin throws a spear and it sticks into a wall, two cars crash head on and lots of glass shatters across the street. Two women fight in a store's changing room, shouting, hitting each other, and rolling across a sales floor; one woman swings a fire axe and misses the other woman while the other woman throws a mannequin torso at the attacker and hits her in the stomach with a loose arm, felling her and she escapes. Shooting a musket on a balcony, a man is blown off and onto the ground by a backfire (he is OK); he gets up and has gunpowder on his face as he chases the man. A man kidnaps a woman, ties her to a chair, and tells another man by phone, "She's going to live in a tool shed on my property, eat dog food and pee in a Mason jar." A man sneaks into a party and assembles a rifle that he carried in a basket; he stuffs the barrel under a man's chin and wraps him in duct tape, also gagging him.
 A man fills a delivery van with cash and then breaks three security cameras with a heavy broom; he dances in front of a fourth camera, locks himself inside the van by mistake, tries to climb through the safety window to the driver's seat (he does not fit), and he tapes stacks of cash, together and sticks them through a window to the driver's compartment to press the accelerator, driving through a wall and crashing into a ditch.
 A man steals a car and drives headlong into an iron gate; another man drags him from the car, slams him into a van where agents are and he yells, confessing a big bank robbery, while the agents tape record him. A man runs from three police officers after they kick in a hotel room door, jumping over a dock onto a moving boat to escape; a cop rides a small motorbike into the water (he is OK). Three police officers try to arrest a man at an airport, but he and a male friend knock all three unconscious and escape.
 Three armed masked men seen in security tapes try to hold up an armored car that backs away and leaves. Two armed masked men hold up a money courier wearing a bulletproof vest and take two duffle bags of cash. TV footage shows two fistfights among men and a garbage man beating up large garbage cans.
 A robbery ringleader sends a hitman to Mexico, where the assassin looks at many rifles and pistols, but buys an Alamo-era musket; he says he prefers a knife or rusty piano wire for strangulation and prefers chasing his quarry on foot. A human ear falls out of a man's pocket and he asks if he is to kill another man's son.
 A man and a woman practice target shooting; the man misses every shot and sticks his pistol in the back of his waistband, shooting a hole in his uniform shorts (he screams) and the woman looks at the seat of his pants, saying the man's buttocks are grazed by the bullet (we do not see that) and the man's pistol later falls apart in his hand as he sits in his pickup truck. A man hits another man in the head with a trash can lid. A man accidentally fires a pistol that blows up a BBQ grill which blows a man's shirt completely off. A car blows up into flames and smoke.
 A man in a warehouse accosts another man and they argue briefly (the second man leaves). A woman leaves a phone message for three men in a hotel: "Someone is trying to murder you." An assassin has a male victim in a bathtub and threatens to pour him down a sewer line. A man and a woman loudly argue face to face and over the phone. A man and a woman argue loudly. A man tells a male friend that he was hired to murder a woman and then says he will not do it, because the woman is the friend's girlfriend. A woman whines and cries for her husband to buy her things and they both buy braces for their teeth in a mall, but refuse to buy anything for their poorly clothed sons. A man in a bad disguise says he looks like Jesus and a cat had a baby. A man remarks that a man's costume looks like Kenny Loggins and Kenny Messina had a baby that was ruined by listening to Kenny G. play a flute. We read that a robbery ringleader spent 11 years in prison.
 A woman stuffs $20,000 into a man's underwear and he says, "Twenty grand's good; where I come from that's a year's salary"; he pulls money from the back of his pants to give a cashier and there is hair on it, which he blows off. A man passes gas in a hotel pool, turning the water brown and causing patrons to scream as they swim away. A woman lies on the back of a prone man on the ground and she passes gas; the man says it's a fart transplant. A man sneezes inside a mask made of panty hose over his head. A man eats a tarantula and brown goop seeps out of his mouth.

LANGUAGE 5 - At least 1 partial F-word, 6 sexual references, 4 scatological terms, 13 anatomical terms, 11 mild obscenities, name-calling (crazy, craziest, gringo, pervert, stripper), exclamations (shoot, Jeez Louise, son of a ..., shut-up), 1 religious profanity (Son of a GD), 7 religious exclamations (e.g. Thank God, Oh God, Oh For God's Gosh, Lord, Vio Con Dios, God brought us together).

SUBSTANCE USE - A man drinks a can of "Cheerwine" and it may or may not be alcoholic, two men drink cans of something that are inside can covers and a woman tells one of the men that he is drunk (he says, "I'm buzzed, I'm not drunk"), a man and a woman hold glasses of champagne in an engagement photo, a cocktail party features glasses and bottles of champagne on tables and in the hands of men and women (no one drinks), a man on a balcony has a bottle of Kahlua and a glass of Kahlua on a table (he does not drink), a bottle of champagne and a glass of it are seen on a table in a home, and a man staggers down a street at night with a bottle of beer in his hand.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Southern stereotypes, child neglect, poverty, trailer parks, FBI agents, major crimes, hit men, manipulation, fear, greed, dishonesty, guile, naiveté, relationships, friendship, infatuation, seduction, jealousy, love, respect, trust, justice, Mexican culture.

MESSAGE - It is foolish to commit a crime in order to impress your girlfriend.

CAVEATS

Be aware that while we do our best to avoid spoilers it is impossible to disguise all details and some may reveal crucial plot elements.

We've gone through several editorial changes since we started covering films in 1992 and older reviews are not as complete & accurate as recent ones; we plan to revisit and correct older reviews as resources and time permits.

Our ratings and reviews are based on the theatrically-released versions of films; on video there are often Unrated, Special, Director's Cut or Extended versions, (usually accurately labelled but sometimes mislabeled) released that contain additional content, which we did not review.


how to
support us

PLEASE DONATE

We are a totally independent website with no connections to political, religious or other groups & we neither solicit nor choose advertisers. You can help us keep our independence with a donation.

NO MORE ADS!

Become a member of our premium site for just $1/month & access advance reviews, without any ads, not a single one, ever. And you will be helping support our website & our efforts.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

We welcome suggestions & criticisms -- and we accept compliments too. While we read all emails & try to reply we don't always manage to do so; be assured that we will not share your e-mail address.

how to
support us

PLEASE DONATE

We are a totally independent website with no connections to political, religious or other groups & we neither solicit nor choose advertisers. You can help us keep our independence with a donation.

NO MORE ADS!

Become a member of our premium site for just $2/month & access advance reviews, without any ads, not a single one, ever. And you will be helping support our website & our efforts.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

We welcome suggestions & criticisms -- and we will accept compliments too. While we read all emails & try to reply we do not always manage to do so; be assured that we will not share your e-mail address.

Subscribe to our newsletter

Subscribe to our newsletter

Know when new reviews are published
We will never sell or share your email address with anybody and you can unsubscribe at any time

You're all set! Please check your email for confirmation.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This